One of the providers in the hospital asked me if I was an engineer, I replied, “No, but I am a bit of a numbers nerd.” The conversation was a product of my exclamation that the 2 large tumors in my abdomen occupied so much space, I was looking forward to seeing my belly profile after she cut them out of me. The detailed, multi-planar MRI exam, taken at 2:20 AM on the 24th of April. Yes, 2:20AM, they woke me up, hauled my ass down to the basement, greased up the walls of the MRI tube, and slid me in. Understanding the need to keep assets like an MRI machine humming to drive down the unit costs, I did not protest, but fuck me…2:20 in the morning? Oh, well, I digress from my story.
The detailed radiology report used the measurement function to plot the borders of the tumors. The largest one pressing on all my other organs, and being a really shit neighbor, measures 10.6cm x 9.5cm x 10.4cm. The other one, the one that put up the hard fence, “calcified edges”, measures 8.5cm x 7.5cm x 8.6cm. No…those are not typos, the unit of measure is centimeters. Being a numbers nerd, good grades in geometry, calculus and all that, I figured out the combined volume of the 2 bastards. 1,595 cubic centimeters, larger than the displacement of the motorcycle engine on the BMW GS I’m going to buy after they fix me.
1,595cc’s = 97 cubic inches.
While it may get me kicked out of the Pig Dog Club, and as a “big boned” lad all my life and adulthood, I pleasantly imagine how skinny I will be after they cut out those 2 full panniers of cancer.
The Long Ride 
Hi, Wade.
You’ve got this! In the meantime, besides blogging and getting better, I thought I’d give you some ideas to pass the time.
Play Luminosity, join Spotify, read War and Peace, join Bookbub.com for free or discounted books, learn card tricks to impress your visitors, play chess, do meditation, research and plan your next vacation, organize your digital photos, pray, and know that I’m rooting for you.
Love,
Paula
You’ve got this, Wade!! Love you! Time to kick some tumor ass!!
Just read your post. I am blog challenged Wade. I mixed it up with the word bog. Drew just came back from Ireland.
As I have said to you and Peggy and Leigh and Tommy. You will out ride this cancer thing regardless of what type it is. All of us will be there for the journey and be ready to build the fire and cook the meals at the rest stops.
I promise though not to cook. No use having you survive cancer and die from ptomaine poisoning
If I do cook I know you will lose weight
Always on your side
Fuck me is right, 2:00 in the morning, what the hell are they thinking! You are a good soul for understanding, not sure I would me. Check out “Anatomy of an illness” by Norman Cousins, it’s a good read if you are stuck dealing with hospitals. And “holy shit Batman” can’t believe you have a gas tank in your belly! Keeping you in my thoughts! Thanks so much for sharing your journey…
Thinking of you!! Love you!
Kick their asses Wade! I love you!!!
Those lousy neighbors need to be evicted ASAP!!! Looking forward to that day. Couldn’t be more displeased that this is happening to you Wade.
Had to look up what panniers were after I read your post. You will indeed be a slender lad when the surgery is over. Quite an analysis for a non engineer type. Love this blog of yours. Hate that you have issues.
Love, Joanne
You are Beautiful!
Holy @#$%! Well, I shouldn’t really use expletives but WOW! When do they remove them?
I wish I knew