One of the providers in the hospital asked me if I was an engineer, I replied, “No, but I am a bit of a numbers nerd.” The conversation was a product of my exclamation that the 2 large tumors in my abdomen occupied so much space, I was looking forward to seeing my belly profile after she cut them out of me. The detailed, multi-planar MRI exam, taken at 2:20 AM on the 24th of April. Yes, 2:20AM, they woke me up, hauled my ass down to the basement, greased up the walls of the MRI tube, and slid me in. Understanding the need to keep assets like an MRI machine humming to drive down the unit costs, I did not protest, but fuck me…2:20 in the morning? Oh, well, I digress from my story.
The detailed radiology report used the measurement function to plot the borders of the tumors. The largest one pressing on all my other organs, and being a really shit neighbor, measures 10.6cm x 9.5cm x 10.4cm. The other one, the one that put up the hard fence, “calcified edges”, measures 8.5cm x 7.5cm x 8.6cm. No…those are not typos, the unit of measure is centimeters. Being a numbers nerd, good grades in geometry, calculus and all that, I figured out the combined volume of the 2 bastards. 1,595 cubic centimeters, larger than the displacement of the motorcycle engine on the BMW GS I’m going to buy after they fix me.
1,595cc’s = 97 cubic inches.
While it may get me kicked out of the Pig Dog Club, and as a “big boned” lad all my life and adulthood, I pleasantly imagine how skinny I will be after they cut out those 2 full panniers of cancer.